I get a lot of people asking me about this situation. How do I get back with the father of my child or how to get back with the mother of my child? If you are in this situation, then first of all, I want to say that I am sorry for what happened. I know you are going through a lot and it’s hard to pull yourself together. And I will try my best to help you go through this hard time.
First, let’s examine your situation a little closely. The fact that you have a child together and your ex still chose to leave you, says that there was something really wrong with your relationship. No one makes the decision to leave a family unless there is something very wrong. Now, I am not saying there is something necessarily wrong with you, it could very well be that there is something majorly wrong with your ex husband or wife. It could be they are going through a midlife crisis, or they are just not happy with their life anymore, or they just realized they want something completely different in their life.
However, you also have an advantage. Since you have a child together, your ex will certainly consider the option of giving your relationship another try; even if it’s just for the child’s sake. If you can convince them to do so, you are good to go. However, you have to understand the reason they left and work on the relationship to make it strong enough to stand the test of time.
Now how exactly do you do it? Well, for starters, read the guide on how to get your ex back. It lays out three basic steps on what to do and what not to do. However, the most important of the three steps is Step 2(no-contact), which in this case can be a little hard to do. Since you have a child together, you cannot cut all contact with your ex suddenly. You have to have some contact for the sake of the child.
No-Contact With The Mother or Father of Your Child
The key to successfully go through no-contact with your ex in this case is to keep all communication with them strictly related to your child. You should never ever call them or talk to them about anything personal. How you are feeling, how you feel about them, and how much you wish they’d come back. If you are feeling miserable and need someone to talk to, do not call your ex. Call your best friend, or your mom, or your dad or the pizza place. Just don’t call them.
Whenever you see them, you might feel like your heart is breaking all over again, but you have to pull yourself together and make sure they don’t see you in this miserable state. At least not till the no contact period is over. Concentrate all your effort into being happy again and work on your confidence. Go out and have fun with your friends, join a gym, take yoga classes, learn Spanish. Do whatever you can to create happiness for yourself without your ex. Learn to be without them, because you have to accept the fact they might never come back again. I know it’s a little hard to believe but that’s the truth. You can try all you want, and I sincerely hope that they come back, but there is still a chance that it will never happen. Prepare yourself for that. Teach yourself to be happy without them. If they come back, you will still be glad you learned to be happy without them. You will still be glad that you are prepared for anything that life throws at you. You will still be glad that you can create happiness for you and your child without your ex.
The last step is to end the no-contact period and get in touch with your ex. You should not move on to this step if you are still feeling miserable about your life. You should have at least learned to be happy without your ex.
You contact your ex and you take everything slowly. You ask them out on a simple date. And you work on re-creating the attraction between you two. If you did your groundwork and you are a happier and more confident person by now, your ex will definitely be attracted to you. Just make sure you take everything slowly and don’t pressure them into coming back.
A lot of people make the mistake of asking their ex to go for couple counseling after they’ve decided to leave them. I don’t think it’s a good idea. I agree marriage counseling can be very helpful if you are still with your husband or wife, but after they’ve decided to leave you, asking them for marriage counseling is just going to scare them off. First, they must agree to give the relationship another chance. After that, you can go ahead and ask them for couples counseling.
They already know that it’s better for the child if you two are back together. Hopefully, you will be able to reignite the spark between you two and they will decide to come back.