Breaking up Sucks! Everyone has the same advice, just forget your ex and move on. But that’s not always easy, is it?
Sometimes, you want to fight for the relationship. Sometimes you just know deep in your heart that if only you could get another chance with your ex, things would work out. Sometimes, you just can’t close that chapter unless you get another try.
If you think this is one of those times then you are in the right place. This guide is all about getting that one last chance to make things right. This guide will give you the knowledge that you need to get your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend back and keep them. If your relationship still doesn’t work, then you can rest assured that this relationship wasn’t meant to be. But if it works, you will be glad that you took the time to read these 3 steps.
These 3 steps are based on simple psychological techniques that work extremely well after a breakup. It’s not some mind tricks and cheap gimmicks that you will use to trick your ex into getting back together. If you are planning to trick your ex or force them into being with you, you are just going to end up in another miserable breakup. This guide will teach you how to start a new relationship with your ex; a relationship that actually has a chance of being a long lasting healthy relationship. Not the same old one which ended in this breakup.
The first step, of this guide is to understand the biggest mistakes that people make after a breakup and AVOID THEM. Doing these mistakes will not only drive your ex further away. They will also make you feel rejected and unworthy.
#1 Being Needy and Begging
It’s one of the most common reactions to the breakup. If someone has decided to breakup with you, begging is not going to change their mind.
Begging and pleading makes you look like a needy person. And that is unattractive, very unattractive.
Do you think they want to breakup because they want you to beg them to take them back? Nobody wants to be with a needy person. And even if your begging worked, it’s going to lead to a relationship where you will end up being a doormat.
#2 The Doormat Syndrome
It comes right after begging and pleading; accepting everything while throwing your self-worth away in the trashcan (aka Doormat Syndrome). You agree everything your ex wants without even considering your happiness.
You put your self-worth, your happiness, your dreams and your entire life on the back burner just so you could be with your ex. Sometimes, people do it just to hold on to the possibility of being with their ex in the future. It’s a direct consequence of begging and pleading. It makes your ex think “Well, if you are that desperate to be with me, then you must accept everything that I want.”
In most cases, if you agree to be a doormat, your ex will keep you around to satisfy their emotional or sexual needs, but they won’t commit to you.
If they do commit to you, it will probably be an unhappy, smothering or even abusive relationship.
And you know what happens to a relationship where one person is a doormat? They end. Sooner or later they all end. If you want to get your ex back and give it a real chance, please do not become doormat.
#3 The Phone Catastrophe
There are so many ways to contact a person these days, it’s almost ridiculous. You can call them, text them, facebook them, tweet them, and so much other stuff. And this comfortable technology leads to one of the worst mistakes people make after a breakup, texting their ex all the time (sometimes hundreds to thousands of texts a day).
Just imagine a scenario where you don’t want to talk to a person and they are sending you a text message every 5 minutes. Your inbox is filled with hundreds of messages by them, even though you haven’t replied to even one. And later on at night, that person gets drunk and calls you and start saying complete and utter non-sense. What would you think of that person? Would it make you want to start a new relationship with them?
Texting your ex all the time and calling them drunk is only going to make them less attracted to you. If you want to win your ex back, you’ve got to give them some time alone. You also need to give yourself some time without your ex. And calling and texting is not going to help anyone.
#4 Unwanted and Unnecessary Affection
Trust me; your ex knows how much you love them. And they also know that “you care for them”, “you want them to be happy”, “that they make you happy”, and “that they complete you”.
They were in a relationship with you too and they probably care for you too. But that’s not what caused the breakup.
Your ex doesn’t need to hear all this right now. It’s only going to make them put their defenses up. Your ex has decided to breakup with you for a reason and every time you express your infinite love for them, you are making them think of that reason in their mind.
#5 Using Pity To Get Your Ex Back
Do you post sad facebook status messages all day? Do you hope that your ex will see them and come back to you? Whenever your ex calls, do you tell them how much you miss them and how much lonely you are without them? Do you think your ex will take you back because of pity?
First of all getting back together with your ex because you are lonely is not a good idea. What you are experiencing is just one of the symptoms of breakup. Everyone feels like this. And it doesn’t last forever. Secondly, acting like this is only going to make your ex less attracted to you. And even if they do feel pity for you, they are not going to get back together because of it.
No one wants to be with a sad person. If you want to get your ex back, you will have to learn to be happy. If nothing else, at least act like you are not miserable.
#6 Being Friends with Your Ex
If you think that by being friends with your ex, you can stay in their lives and hopefully get back together again, you are just plain wrong. By being friends you are not giving yourself and your ex enough time and space to heal. Not to mention, you will probably end up getting friendzoned by your ex. You could end up listening to your ex complaining about their new lovers (cue : Ex-girlfriends) or they might propose being friends with benefits (cue: Ex-boyfriends).
In either case, you are just going to get hurt and not get what you want; a committed relationship with your ex. If you are serious about getting your ex back, or being happy in your life, make sure you never force them for being friends or even decline their offer to do so; at least, not until you are done with step 2.
#7 Panicking when your ex starts dating
Breakup is hard as it is, especially if you are still obsessing over your ex and wondering all the time whether or not they miss you. On top of that, if your ex starts dating someone else, it’s almost feels like someone punched you really hard in your stomach (while wearing a wolverine claw). Nothing can prepare you for this feeling. But it happens. And no, it’s nothing to worry about.
The fact is, if your ex starts dating someone else soon after a breakup, then it’s definitely a rebound relationship. And rebound relationships never last. In fact, it just means that after you broke up, your ex had a huge hole in their life that they are trying to fill with someone new. In many cases, they rush into it too soon and things get too serious really fast. There is nothing to worry about as the faster it moves, the faster it will end.
In almost all the cases of rebound relationship, people soon realize that this new relationship isn’t right for them and end it. So, even if your ex starts dating someone new, do not freak out. It’s just a rebound relationship and it will end soon.
If you try to convince your ex that this new person is not right for them, it’s only going to make them want it more (think of telling someone to not press a button and they’ll definitely want to press it). They might even let the rebound relationship run longer just to prove you wrong.
If you are in a situation like this, the best thing to do is just be cool about it. Do not give your opinion about their new relationship and let it run its course. Just be cool about the whole thing and try to concentrate on your life rather than theirs. There are a lot of things that you need to do after a breakup and before you can get your ex back. That’s what step 2 is all about.
What if you’ve already made all these mistakes?
Don’t beat yourself over it. Even the wisest monks in the Himalayas and scholars with a Phd in relationship psychology have made these mistakes. These are all knee-jerk reactions after a breakup. The important thing is to realize they are mistakes and not do them again. Your relationship can still be saved if you don’t repeat these mistakes again. The best thing you can do to repair damage done is to follow step 2 diligently.