You can probably list a hundred reasons why you want to get your ex back. The fact that “you love your ex” being on top of the list. But have you ever thought of the reasons why you shouldn’t get back together? It’s not a rational decision unless you see both sides of the coin. I highly recommend you sit down and write as much reasons for not getting back together as you can. If the reasons for getting back together are much more convincing than the reasons for not getting back together, you know you are making the right choice.
This article will give you some of these reasons that might not have occurred to you before.
1. This was your first relationship
Once a nine year old asked me how to get her ex back. No kidding.
If this was your first relationship and you are all botched up by the idea of “true love” and that “you two belong together”, you need to take a step back and re-evaluate your entire life. You have never faced a breakup before. You don’t know what it’s like to move on from a breakup and start a new relationship. You have absolutely nothing to compare your past relationship with.
In reality, you have a lot to experience in this world. And you can’t do that if you keep trying to get back with your ex. My advice will be to move on and try new relationships. If you and your ex really belong together, you will end up together after you’ve experienced life.
2. It was an abusive relationship
Were you two (or one of you) constantly abusing each other (physically, verbally, or emotionally)? If so, you have to learn to let go of the feelings and start living your life with self-respect. An abusive relationship is not worth any amount of love you might feel for your ex. Once you are over the relationship and living a life where no one is abusing you, you will realize that “not getting back together” was the right thing to do.
3. You are just feeling rejected
Get over your feeling of rejection before you decide to get back together.
When someone says that they don’t want to be with you, it usually takes a blow on your self-esteem. You feel rejected and insecure about yourself. A lot of times, people want to get back together because their self-esteem is hurt from the breakup and the only way to repair it seems to get back together.
But reality is something different. Just because someone doesn’t want a relationship with you doesn’t mean that you are anything less of awesome. If you are feeling rejected, it’s because you are taking this breakup way too much personally. The relationship didn’t work because you two were not compatible. If your ex chose to end this relationship, it’s because they wanted something else in their life.
Maybe they didn’t like a few things about you. But that’s just a small part of you. If you think about it, your ex only came to know only a small part of you during the time you were together. Just because your ex broke up, doesn’t mean you are worthless. If you feel rejected, you should not try to get back together. Instead, try working on your self-esteem and confidence. You have to realize you are an amazing person who deserves the best in the world and after that; if you still want to get back together, you have my blessing.
4. You are thinking about what could have been
Your mind, in trying to cope up with the loss will try to play scenarios where you think about what could have been if things had gone differently. You will keep repeating the breakup scene (and your relationship) in your mind over and over again thinking of different outcomes with different actions.
“If only I had said that instead of what I said, we wouldn’t have broken up”. Your mind is trying it’s best to stay in the comfort zone and keep imagining a way to work things out with your ex. If you are only thinking about how things have gone differently, you are not thinking about what actually happened.
What happened in your relationship is what matters. Was the relationship really that good that you should try to get back together? Is your ex really the type of person you would want to spend the rest of your life with?
By thinking about what could’ve been, you are training yourself to see things in a way that you want them to be, compared to the way things actually are. If you want to find out whether or not getting back together is good for you, you need to stop imagining things and concentrate on what you need to do right now.
5. Your ex lied/cheated
A cheating ex should always remain a cheating ex.
This one is obvious, but I am constantly surprised by the amount of people who want to get back together even after their ex cheated on them or lied about something important. Even though you were the one who broke up because of their action, sometimes you want to get back together in hopes that your ex will change and you will trust them again. But the fact is, it’s very very very hard to build trust again after your ex has cheated on you. Not to mention, it is very rare that people change. Besides, if you take them back, you are setting yourself up for more hurt. In their perspective, they cheated on you and you are still with them. So why wouldn’t they do it again?
I know your heart wants to give your ex another chance, but in my experience you are better off without them. Someone who cheated once will probably do it again, and even if they don’t your relationship will never have the level of trust that is necessary for a happy and long lasting relationship.
Resources:
http://www.musc.edu/vawprevention/research/defining.shtml
