Breaking up hurts. It hurts like crazy. And it sucks so much that a relationship that you valued so much had to end this way. But that’s not the worst part. The worst part comes after the breakup. The worst part is when you have to go through the plethora of emotions that apparently your body and mind are programmed to do. In fact, one scientific study has shown that the pain is very similar to being burned by a hot iron rod.
The grief period after breakup is different for different people. Sometimes, it lasts for months and sometimes it’s over in weeks. It helps to know the range of emotions that you might feel during the grief period. Here are 13 of them.
1. Shock, Disbelief
It’s relevant especially if your breakup came as a surprise for you. It’s the time where you just think that your ex will come back to you and this was just a bad fight. It’s hard to believe that something that meant so much to you is over.
This is the time where you make most of the mistakes after a breakup. You beg, plead, bargain and you will accept almost anything for the relationship to not end. You will try every trick in the book to get your ex back.
That’s when you get angry for all the wrongdoings that your ex is responsible for. You will hate them for it. You will want to hurt them somehow. You just want to tell them how much hurt they have caused you and you’ll wish they suffer the same.
The time where you realize you are alone. When you are used to being with someone for a long time, it really hurts to wake up every morning alone in your bed. Your loneliness is a constant reminder that you broke up. And it’s not going away until you accept it.
Strange as it may sound. Happiness also comes in doses during the grief period. The happiness of leaving a bad relationship or realizing that your life is better off without them. Unfortunately, it will not stay long unless you have truly healed and moved on. All the other emotions are going to creep in unless you have accepted and moved on.
This is where you are confused about what you want or what your ex wants. You look for signs from your ex, and signs from the universe to make a better decision. You can’t decide whether or not to move on or wait for your ex. And if you decide to wait for your ex, you are confused by everything they do.
You can’t accept that your relationship is over and you try to continue everything as nothing happened. You might seem creepy to your ex if you call them and text them as if you two are still in a relationship, but in your mind, this just seems like the best thing to do.
When your body and mind have no idea what to do. You can’t eat properly, you can’t sleep properly, and you can’t work properly. You just go through every day, hoping that this phase will pass and you will be able to carry on with your life.
It could be just the thought of your ex dating someone new or it could be a gossip that conveniently found its way to you through your common friends. But imagining your ex with another person will make you the worst type of jealousy ever, the irrational one. If you and your ex are over, then why the hell would you be jealous if they are with someone else? It’s not logical, but it’s there. And it can make you do all kind of crazy things including begging them to take you back.
That’s when you give up on your love life. You feel you will never find love again and you’ve lost your last hope at happiness. Your mind tries to convince you that you will never be happy. You start concentrating on everything negative in your life and you just don’t see how you can ever be happy again.
The most common reaction to any change. The big change in your life that this breakup has brought is hard to accept. Fear of what will happen next. Will you ever find love? Will you get your ex back? Will you ever be happy? How will you survive in this world without your ex?
You will feel guilty for everything wrong you might have done in the relationship. You will even call up your ex and apologize for things that your ex probably don’t even care about. You will try to convince yourself that this breakup is your fault and you could have done something to prevent it.
This is when you come to accept your breakup. You realize that life goes on and you try to move forward in your life. This is a great step in the right direction. But it doesn’t mean you can’t go back to other emotions. There will be times when you have accepted the breakup but still haven’t completely moved on. But acceptance means you are very close to finally moving on.
When you forgive yourself and your ex for everything that has happened. You do not hold any grudges and you realize that it’s best for you to forgive your ex, even if they hurt you.
You realize that you are just a human and you love yourself unconditionally despite all your shortcomings. You start planning a life which will make you happy and you start deciding what’s best for you. In most cases, you realize the best thing for you is to move on and at this stage, it becomes easy for you to do so.